Honestly, I am Scared

Raining UKM

Mksu visited me last night, upon returning to college from dinner with Mksu and family, I took shower and off to Adni's room. I was too bored to spend time alone in my room. We ended up watching Sinister. The movie begins with people were found hanging on a tree and their faces were covered with paper bags.

We finished watching movie around 1.30am and I went to my room. I was too sleepy and tired, that I skipped my medicine and hit the hay. Unfortunately, I had hard times to sleep. And after few hours, I managed to sleep. But the struggles did not end there. I was forced to travel to a new realm and experienced its labyrinth through out the night. 

In my dream,  I was alleged to kill someone. And the dream revolved around the trials and court. It didn't feel like a dream at all, I live my name as an alleged murderer with people of town talking about me. Apparently, a new character, who is my friend, that I just re - friend with, let's call him Ali appeared in my dreams over and over. 

I can't remember much the details, but I got the idea of the whole picture. However, I can recall that there wasn't a scene of me killing someone. The whole dream was so intense and consuming. My family and Ali acted as my strength through out the time. I experienced having to sit down in the court chamber as an alleged murderer with people dissing me before the judge knocked his gavel.

I was awakened when my phone rang for Subuh prayer. I lied down for almost 30 minutes to digest that this is just a dream, and I am now in UKM, safe and sound. My whole body felt numb and half of my soul is gone. (I literally can feel that). Honestly, I feel like hugging someone and cry or call someone and cry. :(  I was petrified. 

Then, I performed my Subuh prayer and playing games just to naturalise my mind and I texted two of my friends saying, I'm scared. And Ali replied my last night text on Sinister movie. So we had conversation about the dream, before he excused himself. 

And guess what, I fell asleep again. And I was in the same, freaking dream again!! :'(

In the second dream, I remember myself as an alleged killer, and I was driving with my father to God knows where before there was an accident in front of me. A man's leg is snagged to a car wheel and he was in utter agony and torment. However, people who swarmed him just witness the accident with no intention to help. One of them was smoking and the other were just being there, just to watch. 

I pulled my car and stomped to them while shouting please call the ambulance. But none did anything. I was panic stricken to see the blood that kept flowing and his bare flesh. And the bone was popping out. I screamed to my heart content and begged for someone to help him, I ran towards my car and tried to call the police who handled my case (the murder case) but he didn't pick up. 

Not long after that, there was this, urm what we called them, Rela? passed by and they stopped. So they helped the poor man. I saw how the man was lifted to a strecher and he was nothing but black and blue. 

After the incident, my dad and I went to our hometown (perhaps that's where we going at the first place) and he stopped by at a mosque to pray. As for me, I walked from the mosque to Neneks house. I talked to Ali along the way what had happened today. I remember the conversation, about me talking, that I didn't kill anyone. These people framed me, and I did not understand why they did that when I always good to them. Guess what, a number of my ex schoolmates were playing in my mind during the conversation. 

I told him over and over I did not do it. That I was framed and I was scared as hell, and I think that the verdict of the court will find me guilty even I did not do it. Because innocence is not the best defense in judicial system. I told him I could feel I am going to be sentenced to death. And I don't have much time to stay alive. 

I was too anxious that I got jittery and I arrived at Nenek's. My aunt asked me 'how are you doing? You must be doing good in your academic because you are a hard working student'.  I looked at her and could feel her cynical remarks and I replied 'No, I am not, I am a killer' and I woke up when the thunder stroke UKM. 

I woke up when it is pouring down outside feeling empty and numb. Like always.