Hellish Weeks

From having sleepless nights for almost a week, mess up body clock, constant panic attack, I juggled with my work as a research assistant, setting a workshop for the team, correcting paper, being a liaison between Dr Rose and Hotel Royale Chulan. After 10 days of haywire moments, then I decided to set an appointment with my doctor in psychology department in Terengganu. I went home abruptly for the appointment, and guess what, I forgot to bring back my daily medicines. 

My appointment is on this Monday, and I returned home on Thursday. I have to survive before the appointment without my tablets. The first and second day at home, I started to get headache. My head feels heavy. I feel like puking all the time. I managed to swallow food, but I have to do my best to avoid the food coming out from my mouth. I am so sick. I have never been so regret to not bring my pills together with me! 

To make things worse, everything that I managed to put behind my mind keeps coming in my dreams. I dreamt of him lurking in the shadow, making appearances at me and threaten me. He was pointing at me, in my dream, as if a reminder that he would always be with me. 

I dreamt about the other too. I was involved in a mishap, perhaps some kind of accident. That caused my leg injured badly. I was handicapped. I don't remember clearly about this one, but I could feel the pain when all of my teeth were all removed from my gums. And I screamed so hard that my throat became dry. I remember having glimpse of his face in my dream. 

I often wake up, bath with sweat, dry throat, racing heart and short breath. I always wake up feeling grateful because the world that I dreamt, is not permanent and I am perfectly fine here. Safe and sound. And I always wish I can remember that, when I encounter dreadful nightmares again. 

That's the least I can do. 

Sunday

29 September

2.25pm