Dreams of a Victim - Third Therapy in Kuala Terengganu

Like usual, my mom and I arrive at the hospital early. Hence, we went to the café for lunch and when mom met her friend there, I climbed the stairs alone to the psychiatrist clinic.


My therapist greeted me and we slipped in the room. She briefed me with some educational stuff on psychology which is very interesting.


Like how do we cope when the problems strike us consciously and unconsciously. For example, the former occurs when we are aware what we do to cope with our problems. Like how I walked to Una's school to meet her friends due to her bruises. While the latter emphasizes on the defense mechanisms that I have subconsciously to overcome me from facing stress. (I think). It consists matured and immature divisions. For instance, subconsciously, I walked away when that stupid ustaz flung the spade right in front of my face.

You get me bro?


So the therapist told me I am matured to just walk away from a person who has problem with anger management and also capable to respond impulsively. Well she didn't say exactly like that but that's how I imply her explanation . Ehe

Just so you know, I never sleep. I am wide awake even in
my sleep.
Source : Google

We did review on the homework that she assigned to me last week on how to modify my negative thoughts to rational thinking. Which is interesting to me too.


I honestly admitted that I was really really really sleepy during the session and God knows how do I look like. That she asked me 'are you sleepy?' And I said yes and for sure she asked why. So i told her I had dreams and nightmares on my ex schoolmates.


So she went through to another part in that session which is DREAMS AND NIGHTMARES. She went through to every details that left me astounded, speechless and awed by this awesome knowledge. I don't care if you want to say I am nerdy or geeky or whatever. But I think if people know about this, they would think twice to harm people emotionally,physically, verbally pr in whatever means to a person or people.

Psychiatrist : Would you like to share with me about your dreams? Please tell me one of them.

Me : I often have nightmares and dreams about my ex schoolmates who I dislike very much. Last two nights, I dreamt that they were being nice to me. We boarded on the bus together and we talked to each other like we are real best friends. Last night, I dreamt I was in primary school. I was surrounded with loving teachers and kind hearted friends.

It was so perfect that I even spoke to myself 'this is good, very good for I can end my school years in a school that I like so much, hence I don't have to dwell on my painful experience during my secondary school. This memory will be cherished to get rid the horrifying memories.' And I woke up feeling so regret that it is just a dream.

P : If you allow me to interpret your dreams,  I would say that you really really try very hard to forget your memory in your secondary school but whatever you do, they still exist in your subconscious mind.  A psychologist Freud mentioned that a dream is something that we often think when we don't sleep.

I didn't know how my face looks like but I disapprove her claim cause I never think about them. Guess what?  She can read my face.  Haha

P : I know you don't think about them during the day cause you control your mind but when you asleep, that's when it conjours as subconscious dominates your mind and the unwanted memories happen to be at the back of your mind.

Again, if you let me interpret your dream, I would say you are trying very hard to forget them that your mind starts to make a different plot to the characters. You dreamt that you are in a good terms with them when you actually dislike them. This is done to ease your mind. Remember? Mechanism defence.

While the latter ones, I would say your wish is granted through dreams. You wish for a happy ending during your school years and you got it in your dreams.

We can help you but there would be pretty long session. It is not under Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, it falls under different psychotherapy. During that session, you have to spill out the whole storyline,  your fear, your anger.
Since it occurs in your subconscious mind, we have to communicate with you through hypnosis. By that, it is more effective for us to instill the positive thoughts in you to resolve the unresolved conflict.

This unresolved conflict can be classified as traumatic event. Your traumatic event occurred because of two things. Either it is not managed completely at that time or it is because your own attitude. But we are not pointing finger to anyone, maybe at that time, your teachers were unaware, your parents were sick. We are searching for solution okay?

I am living in my sleep and I am drowning each second.
Source : Google

Right now, you are having energy inside you, negative ones which is located in your subconscious mind. The energy is there for a long time that it is getting stronger day by day. Removing it is not easy, it takes time and effort.

This energy actually respond in certain time, for example when you knew your sister got bruises at her waist, you met her friends because you want to protect her. You don't want her to become like you. Cause you know why? Your sister's event hit the energy and it reflects to your action taken. You remember what happened to you, thus the cause that triggers that point makes you hurt just like before.

This super duper long explanation made me speechless for moment. I started to connect the dots and sense the logic and truth are now revealed.

Not long after that, she suggested to conduct a hypnosis to me and long short, yeah, I was hypnosis-ed. The truth is I couldn't relax and I don't think the hypnosis succeed. I don't know why, but I build this strong wall to everyone no matter how close they are to me. The worst part is I don't know how to break the wall. I know she knows that I couldn't relax through my body gestures. Haha.  But as I tried to indulge during the process, I experienced the feeling of being freed from any worries. I felt like losing my hands and arms slowly and yes! It felt like I was flying before I heard she called my name.

To conclude, I don't know those stupid memories actually drag me until now and yes, I feel like a loser sometimes, why I let them in, but you know sometimes, things happen and it happens when we are unable to control the situation.

So today's lesson, never hurt anyone in whatever means, you don't know how she would end up with your stupid judgement and moron action.

To those hooligans, may you rot in hell.