Discharge from therapy - (Maybe) A final Theraphy in Kuala Terengganu
Today, I went to the Psychiatrist Department with a light heart. I didn't feel nauseous and my pulse reading was normal. I just had low blood pressure which is somehow normal to me. I met Dr Rohaya who cordially invited me in her room. Just like the previous appointments, she said hi and how are you before getting to the real business.
'Good, very good!' she said while her eyes glanced at my score on depression and anxiety test paper.
'I can tell you are improving, greatly how do you feel?' her eyes shifted to me.
'Yeah, I'm grand, I am improving and I feel much much better than before', I smiled.
'So what are you up to now? Do you have plans or anything you wanna do afterwards?'
I fixed my posture, 'yeah I do, I just applied to be an English teacher assistant at a primary school, I am looking forward to gain new experience in that field. I also applied for a scholarship and universities in UK to further my study there'
She nodded her head 'that's good, you have plans already and what is your cgpa?'
'3.82'
'Why don't you just pursue for your PhD? With that result, you can go straight for your doctorate?.'
This is why I like talking to her. She is so supportive and understand my passion even she doesn't really know me and even she knows I suffer from that illness. Or maybe used to suffer. 😯😬
'I am not sure I can do that even my father didn't allow me to further study abroad. He's afraid that if something bad happens to me and he couldn't reach me as soon as possible. I told him I'll find a strong support system among Malaysian community but it seems no is his final decision'🙎
The doc continued 'partially he is right. Having a new environment is a very challenging and could be a stressor for you situation to relapse. And it could be more worse than what you had previously. That is why you need to mentally prepare yourself and find a strong support system there. Friends are very important when we are abroad in the sense that they could be someone that we can turn to if we encountered problems in adapting ourselves with different cultures and society. When I was in Australia, we had this strong Malaysian community because our community is in small number. We cooked, celebrated Eid together and I could say we were close just like family, even more than that.
I believe you can do this but you need to control yourself. You have control your rigidity, your obsession towards something. It is okay to not achieve good grades sometimes. You have to train yourself to be more flexible, for example start your target with moderate score. So if you manage to achieve that score, you don't feel disappointed for not having excellent grades.
I have medical students who are perfectionist. They did their masters and during the final year, they decided to take meds but you know it is okay. This illness is treatable. Now, they are doing good, got their doctorate and got married. Everything is going to be okay. The key point is you need to control your personality of being perfectionist.'
I nodded my head and she asked me 'How's your parents?'
'Better than before but there is still some sort of misunderstanding and normally mom would talk to me about her dissatisfaction towards my father.
The therapist met my mother for a while and talked to her. I didn't know what did she say to my mom but of course I asked my mom after the session 💁.
' So what did the doc tell you?' I asked her. 'Well she told md to not be top obvious in front of you if I have problems with your father. I told her, this is what happens at home. You have been away from home quite for some time that you don't really have idea what's happening at home. So, you might be a bit shock with all of these issues' I don't really feel comfortable with this conversation that I changed the topic. I love my parents more than they know. But, my condition puts limit to my capability to just listen to the problems and not taking it by heart.I will think about it even if I try to control my mind, even if I manage to, it can appear on my dreams and I am gonna have sleepless nights. I'll take every words as my biggest problems and how worthless I am to not being able to help my family under this circumstance. I'll digest every bites of words and overthink about the issue. This will be resulted to severe headache and of course, depression if the same occasion occur again.
I met the doc after mom's meeting with her. Dr Rohaya discharged me from her clinic as she said I am in a stable condition. I am improving and of course she welcomes me to come visit her anytime I want if I have someone to talk to or something to share with.
I smiled. I know it could relapse but I learnt my lesson. I have been trained by the doc to alter my negative thoughts to relevant one. I have been told how to tackle panic attack if it strikes me again. I have been taught how to do mindfulness activities just to find an immediate comfort. I love this session. I learn something new everyday. I am able to understand more about myself, my journey, what to expect in the future. Above all, I learn that my father is a formidable fighter.
'Good, very good!' she said while her eyes glanced at my score on depression and anxiety test paper.
'I can tell you are improving, greatly how do you feel?' her eyes shifted to me.
'Yeah, I'm grand, I am improving and I feel much much better than before', I smiled.
'So what are you up to now? Do you have plans or anything you wanna do afterwards?'
 |
| Wiping off my bitter memories. I wish it is as easy as that. |
I fixed my posture, 'yeah I do, I just applied to be an English teacher assistant at a primary school, I am looking forward to gain new experience in that field. I also applied for a scholarship and universities in UK to further my study there'
She nodded her head 'that's good, you have plans already and what is your cgpa?'
'3.82'
'Why don't you just pursue for your PhD? With that result, you can go straight for your doctorate?.'
This is why I like talking to her. She is so supportive and understand my passion even she doesn't really know me and even she knows I suffer from that illness. Or maybe used to suffer. 😯😬
'I am not sure I can do that even my father didn't allow me to further study abroad. He's afraid that if something bad happens to me and he couldn't reach me as soon as possible. I told him I'll find a strong support system among Malaysian community but it seems no is his final decision'🙎
The doc continued 'partially he is right. Having a new environment is a very challenging and could be a stressor for you situation to relapse. And it could be more worse than what you had previously. That is why you need to mentally prepare yourself and find a strong support system there. Friends are very important when we are abroad in the sense that they could be someone that we can turn to if we encountered problems in adapting ourselves with different cultures and society. When I was in Australia, we had this strong Malaysian community because our community is in small number. We cooked, celebrated Eid together and I could say we were close just like family, even more than that.
I believe you can do this but you need to control yourself. You have control your rigidity, your obsession towards something. It is okay to not achieve good grades sometimes. You have to train yourself to be more flexible, for example start your target with moderate score. So if you manage to achieve that score, you don't feel disappointed for not having excellent grades.
I have medical students who are perfectionist. They did their masters and during the final year, they decided to take meds but you know it is okay. This illness is treatable. Now, they are doing good, got their doctorate and got married. Everything is going to be okay. The key point is you need to control your personality of being perfectionist.'
I nodded my head and she asked me 'How's your parents?'
 |
| I am a free bird. For how long? I hope it's forever :) |
'Better than before but there is still some sort of misunderstanding and normally mom would talk to me about her dissatisfaction towards my father.
The therapist met my mother for a while and talked to her. I didn't know what did she say to my mom but of course I asked my mom after the session 💁.
' So what did the doc tell you?' I asked her. 'Well she told md to not be top obvious in front of you if I have problems with your father. I told her, this is what happens at home. You have been away from home quite for some time that you don't really have idea what's happening at home. So, you might be a bit shock with all of these issues' I don't really feel comfortable with this conversation that I changed the topic. I love my parents more than they know. But, my condition puts limit to my capability to just listen to the problems and not taking it by heart.I will think about it even if I try to control my mind, even if I manage to, it can appear on my dreams and I am gonna have sleepless nights. I'll take every words as my biggest problems and how worthless I am to not being able to help my family under this circumstance. I'll digest every bites of words and overthink about the issue. This will be resulted to severe headache and of course, depression if the same occasion occur again.
I met the doc after mom's meeting with her. Dr Rohaya discharged me from her clinic as she said I am in a stable condition. I am improving and of course she welcomes me to come visit her anytime I want if I have someone to talk to or something to share with.
I smiled. I know it could relapse but I learnt my lesson. I have been trained by the doc to alter my negative thoughts to relevant one. I have been told how to tackle panic attack if it strikes me again. I have been taught how to do mindfulness activities just to find an immediate comfort. I love this session. I learn something new everyday. I am able to understand more about myself, my journey, what to expect in the future. Above all, I learn that my father is a formidable fighter.
💙
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