Medication - Second Appointment (Selayang)
3rd May, it was my second appointment with the
psychiatrist. When it was my turn to see her (after the long queue and few
processes), my hands started shaking and I normally overcome it by clasping my
hands together tightly, hoping that I won’t get jittery. My heart was about to
burst and hot flushes crept into my body, waiting to make a major attack.
And then
I went inside to weigh my weight. I stepped on the weighing scales with a
nurse monitored the reading in front of me.
“39kg!
You need to eat a lot more!” She cried while handling me some chocolate biscuits.
I
smiled.
“How
old are you?”
“22”
“Still
young!”
She,
then checked my blood pressure and nodded her head.
 |
| I am still confused if taking meds is the best option that I have. Source : Google |
Without
saying much, I thanked her and slipped in the psychiatrist’s office.
She
greeted me and then asked me am I doing well with the meds, I told her I get
drowsy every morning and sometimes the entire day, I can’t focus to do my work
at the office and I feel very worn out.
“That’s resulted when your body are still adjusting with the meds, hold on, it will
get away in 2 weeks time and sometimes more or less. “
And
without wasting any precious of her
time, she said she’s going to increase the dosage of my medicine for
Ecsitalopram from 5mg to 10mg.
I
stared at her for some time and then asked her,
“Is
it okay for me to have that dosage?
“Yes,
you can try with 5 mg first and if you think it is okay then you can proceed to
10mg because the normal dosage is 20mg, right now we are in that state of
seeking the right medicine for you at the right time”
I
have to admit that I’m in state of denial, oh scratch that. I’m in state of
accepting the fact that I’m sick, I need help and I need to consume meds. And
my mom's voice keeps ringing in my head “try
to avoid having meds at least not when you are 22” she’s worried of me. Because
she witnessed every single thing what had happened to my dad when he was in
severe depression.
For the first time, I asked her again, "what I am suffering from?"
 |
| However, later I learn that medicines carry pros and cons just like any other things, but one thing for sure, it helps me to endure this tough battle that not everyone is able to understand. Source : Google |
"I could not sleep and I start to panic knowing I have to work tomorrow, it drives me crazy"
"It means, You are having a condition of major depression with panic disorder"
and I don't know why she emphasized the word with but I just nodded my head anyway.
And my
aunts and uncles were saying the same thing about meds. The only person who is
so positive about meds is my dad.
Hence,
I asked the psychiatrist,
“What
are the huge implications of the medicines to me or to the patients?”
“You
know, when something bad happen to a patient, it is not because of the meds,
but it is because the illness has jeopardized a person’s life and he seeks help
too late. We, psychologists have done thousands of research on this particular
issue since back then. If you would ask me, yes, medicines are the major
support to cure this illness with other additional supports. For example, types
of family members, your personality and friends. This concludes that your
social life is also a contributing factor to bring a betterment of you.”
“I’m
not selling meds here but yes if you want to be cured, you have to attend to
every session that we ask you to do, no worries you are on the right track”
I sighed;
of course you are not selling any meds but you are being too harsh for a person who
you know suffers from emotional wreck and fragile mental health. You should
congratulate me for willing to ask and seek for the truth despites of the
stigmatized issue being left unspoken.
Isn’t
it?
Of
course I just had that thought in my head.
Haha
Not
saying much, with thanks I got off from the room and went to the pharmacy for my meds.
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