The Journey Begins 2 - Diagnosis (Selayang)

The psychiatrist asked me 1001 questions. He went through all the details of my life. Starting when I was born.

- Which schools were you studying?

- What had happened to you?

- Who did that to you?

- Are they your closed friends?

- Did you have friends in your class?

Depression and anxiety are similar but different.
Source : Google

Trying to recall the past that I somehow able to forget is the hardest part. That I felt giving up, but I know, this person in front of me, is trying to help me and thus, I should give a helping hand as well to help myself. 

Sometimes I lost my words, seeking for some in the middle of the conversation and sometimes I just went quiet telling him 'I'm sorry, I can't recall'. 

'Do you try to avoid them after school?'

'Yes, I do, I hate seeing them and I avoid seeing anything related to them'

At one moment, I almost burst into tears, recalling back the past and opened it up all over once again is like slashing my veins with blades. That, I refuse to look at him. I stare at spaces most of the time. While my fingers were playing with the receipt. Making nonsense origami.

First session takes some time for the psychiatrist to dig your
history and come out with a diagnosis
Source : Google

He kept scribbling everything that came out from my mouth and asked me more questions afterwards until he got the final, exact answer that he wants. 

He knows what to do when I don't  know where to begin, where to start. 

He's a trained professional medical practitioner after all. 

I suddenly recalled a friend of mine who's taking Psychology course in Aussie telling me, 'the journey is going to be long and rough, but take it as a bridge to be the better you'.

Her voice trailed off in my head when the psychiatrist who's sitting in front of me saying 

'Panic disorder with depression'