Listen to Yourself

For these past few months, I have received questions and inquiries about my journey as a patient of psychiatry department.  It is either from the patients themselves or from the patient's friend.  And the question is normally on how to get help and how to help.

When I was first diagnosed with the illness, I had been contemplating myself quite for some time if I should share this in social media (cause I like blogging). For one moment, I worried about the remarks and comments that I would receive from the audiences especially for those who know me personally. But, writing about it makes me at ease, it is like an invisible diary that I keep. And I spill my thoughts, my opinions, what I have been through on the blog.

Somehow, it is a sort of reminder to me what it feels like to be at my lowest and how much efforts I should put to not fall into the same spiralling downwards again.

So back to the topic haha, I never knew my sharing, would lead to these people to approach me, to know more about this taboo illness. And most importantly, I'm so touched for those who make this effort to help his or her friends. Thank you.  :)

So this is a letter that I specially wrote for my loved ones, who are still struggling but would do anything to hide it. ❤

Hi Loves,

I can't say I understand you completely, but I believe I've got the idea what it feels like when we are at our lowest. And it lasts for months, years and sometimes it seems to last forever. We are so exhausted and we just want to take a break but we can't. We don't feel like talking to people cause when they said they understand, they just don't understand. Everything seems so dark and nothing seems want to be with us. 

This is when you have to listen to yourself honey. What triggers your anxiety? What makes you so hopeless and worthless? Vent your anger and frustration to someone who you trust. If there's no one, write, spill, cry, let everything out from your chest. Always, always listen to yourself. ❤

Anything that hurts you, leave them. Shut them out from your life. Leave the toxic relationship. Give sometime for yourself to recuperate. If your family is not supportive, you don't have to pressure yourself to convince them to accept your current condition. From this very second, your mind, your soul and your body, is our priority. Everything needs to be excellent.

I've talked to my psychiatrist a lot how disappointed I was towards some people around me. And she told me that we cannot change people but we can change ourselves. We have to train our hearts to accept things that are not in our favour. Example,

I don't like my classmate to insult me. He MUST talk nicely to me.

Change it to, I PREFER my classmate to talk nicely to me.

And lastly, if he can't, that's fine, I ACCEPT it. But that doesn't mean what he does is right, he is not right, we cannot insult people. But since we are seeking for peace and solace, we let them go.

If you want to go through with the psychology knowledge, each of us has defense mechanism to deal with the intense events. But let's put a hold. Haha

Dear,

To get out from this horrific episode, I have to say that, we have to help ourselves first and foremost. 5 years from now, you are no longer in this spiralling downwards. Trust me. This is just all a temporary, but to make it temporal, we have to work hand in hand with the medical practitioners. They want to help us. Seek help from the experts and if they recommend you to take meds, it is advisable for you to take it.

It is important to know that the meds won't have immediate effects on us. We may experience discomfort for at least the first two weeks. And it is possible for the doc to change the meds on your next appointment, because at this initial stage, the doctor is looking for the perfect meds and dosage for you. We can do this!

Last but not least,

I just want you to know that you are so amazing that I know there are people who want to be like, who wish to be like you.You have no idea about it cause they won't tell us what we want to hear. I love you.

We all love you.