GRADUATION POST

I reminisced of what had happened during my last semester at the university, semester 5 before all the fivers were sent to undergo internship at the industries. 

You can read my previous post here, when I was in semester 4. 

First Class with 3.82 and awarded with Vice Chancellor Award

I would like to dedicate this Vice Chancellor award for my parents, friends, families, lecturers and last but not least, Mr Najmi. These people are my source of wisdom and an embodiment of my soul for me to endure my degree life for three years.

I enjoyed my degree journey during my first year. I participated in a club and society and was also one of the club members. I enjoyed making friends and I had a good start with my academic as well.

One of the reasons why I manage to survive my depression is because of these two people

Nonetheless, things got hard on fourth and fifth semester. I started to have symptoms of depression. I avoided talking to my classmates even my very own best friends Hawa and Hasif. I could not focus on my study and my mind was empty each time I attended classes. The worst part, I had sleepless nights for weeks that I ended up meeting a counselor at UiTM. Ironically, I was awarded with best student for Journalism programme with 3.92. The highest GPA I got so far.

Friends who are with me through thick and thin. We are the three stooges. haha

Life goes on. And this time, it was way tougher than the fourth semester. I was really demotivated during my fifth semester. I had issues with my academic writing and it triggered my symptoms. I remembered I flung my proposal on the ground, kneeling down and cried to my heart's content after meeting with my supervisor. (Hasif was there) haha. I remembered I tore up the proposal to pieces and had the worst nightmare that no one could imagine for the next four weeks. That was when I met up Mr Najmi and told him,

My mom remembers Anis so well cause she likes the ads that we made featuring
us and Anis as Mok Jaroh for our assignment.

'I give up, I don't want to do this anymore I truly give up, I can't bear with this situation any longer' I told him that when my tears was about to stream down my cheeks. My fifth semester is not a joke, my closest friends witnessed what had happened and how terrible I was at that time. Even I don't have words to describe my feelings or how did I look like during that period. But thanks to Mr Najmi and his advices, I proceeded with my life.

People barely see us together, but they know we are very good friends. We have been together since Lendu and even she's
weird and annoying, she was there, helping me to move my things to my new college. Not to mention, Luna and her mom brought me to the clinic to remove the surgical thread after our very last paper. 

On 26th Dec, on the same semester, fifth semester, three days before final examination, I was caught in an accident. I was brought to ER twice due to the leg injury. My soft tissue was ripped and I couldn't walk. The doc asked me to postpone my examination but I refused. I am grateful to be given chances to know these sweethearts who took care of me during my setback. I stayed with them at their house and I have to admit there's nothing I could do to repay their kindness.

Four papers to sit, and a proposal to submit, I sat in the room without even moving here and there (I had a cast on my leg) for hours, studying and writing my thesis. I had other several injuries, five stitches on my forehead and elbow.

A group photo with everyone-favourite-lecturer, Mr Najmi is a must!

Nevertheless, I didn't stop, I kept moving cause I just wanted everything to end faster than it should. On my behalf, Hasif sent the proposal for me to my supervisor, (didn't have chance to photograph me holding my hard cover academic writing in front of the fac , the ritual of final year students, didn't even get the chance to hold the thesis once it was printed herher). Alhamdulillah, I managed to survive and completed my fifth semester with 3.72.

Sixth semester is when we have to undergo practical training in industries. Alhamdulillah I got place at BNM under a department and had my internship there while staying at my aunt's house at Gombak. Little did I know, it was not the end yet. My illness was getting worse and on April, while having my internship, I was clinically diagnosed with persistent depression, panic disorder and anxiety disorder.

It was hard for me, to accept that I am sick and I need to seek help. It was hard for me to often remind myself that 'you don't have to be embarrassed about it'. And to convince myself 'you need help from the medical experts'.

Mok Jaroh was so happy to meet me. hehe

Among those people who always make me feel worthless and useless, there's always a person who is willing to help me. And that was my supervisor at Bank Negara. He was very caring and understanding. I struggled during my internship as I often suffer from panic attacks at night, I didn't have much rest and I struggled to be at my optimum state when I could not while working. Allah gives me trials yet He sends me good people to be my good companion who often reminded me to be optimistic. My colleagues, Kak Fara, Kak Leen and Mira are those people whom I won't forget for the rest of my life even we have known each other only for four months.

And here I am, one of the recipients of Vice Chancellor Award. These are just some parts of the stories behind the award, I tell you, it ain't easy, life is never easy, and most of the time it does not treat you fairly. But, there are always people who would help you to keep marching forward even with your head bowing down.

Erfan, Hasif and Min. Boys from different programme and they have hearts of gold.

There's a lot more for me to learn, and I never see the award itself is a great achivement for myself, (just like some said, cgpa is just a number) but I really cherish the stories behind the success, those people who I have met and be part of my journey. May Allah bless them with longevity and prosperity, May Allah grant them good health and jannah. May Allah shower them with His endless blessings.

Aamin.

Above all, I thank to Allah for His blessings and guidance, I am where I am now.

Alhamdulillah.