The Journey Begins - Diagnosis (Selayang)

My name is Azizah Adib Rahim and I am diagnosed with panic disorder and mild depression a week ago on 19th April 2017.

The moment when the truth is revealed, my eyes didn't make an eye contact with my psychiatrist. I rather stared at the stack of papers on his desk, written with patches of information about my life, and some scribbles of graph that I don't understand.

For the first time in my life, I feel like hugging myself, I want to thank myself for being strong. Too strong in fact. I have been experiencing many obstacles tantamount to death (no jokes) over the years without understanding from people around me, with outstanding achievements that I have made (I guess ). I am with me all the time.

Jack! Is my most favourite theraphy!  

'Only people who suffer from panic attack knows how terrible it is, my advice if it ever happens to you again, please go to ER, at least you can talk to the doc of what's happening' I could sense his eyes on me and I just nooded my head.↴

My aunt was there as well. The psychiatrist wished to speak to my guardian and since my parents weren't there, he spoke to my aunt.

Before I entered the room, I was thinking that there are two possibilities that would happen to me once I stepped out from the room.


1) The doctor is just like other people. Ignorant.
2) I have to take some time to learn that I'm sick and I need help.

And it turns out that I encountered the latter.

My blood was taken and I was weighed. The psychiatrist prescribed me medicine just to take me right back on the track.

I blink my eyes and I stared at those people who walked, pacing back and forth aimlessly in front of me. Are they the future me?

I close my eyes and try to find some solace hidden somewhere inside.

To be continued...