Friend for Life
"Jija, why you can't even open a doorknob but aced your final exam?"
"Jija, stop playing phone! I was calling you like hell just now!"
"Jija, please wear something stylish. My eyes cringe looking at you."
In different occassion,
"We should run now, it is dangerous here, can you walk faster?" she said when we were kinda walking fast through the dark alley.
"It is okay Jija, we are here, I am here" she said while Ajim, Aidil and her sat around me, forming a barricade, somewhat a safe zone for me to cry.
" We should smell nice even we haven't taken our bath today" and she sprayed her perfume to me.
I can't recall how I made friend with her and so does her. But we have been known to each other since we were 18. She has a cold gaze that people fear to approach her. She does not speak well Malay and even if she did, she stutters like, a lot. Until today, I still remember how she called 'kemuncup' as 'comoncop', gardenia bread as narnia bread and more to mention. When we had orientation on our first semester, a senior asked her if she used to study abroad because of her accent.
This typical city girl seems snobbish for people who do not know her. She said what she likes, what she dislikes. She dislikes kampung and she does not want to get married with kampung boy. She dislikes children screaming at the public and often tell me she will raise her children like soldiers one day. She is stingy towards herself, she refrain herself from buying expensive goods because she wants to save money for travelling. Hell, yeah, she enjoys travelling very much.
She is an awkward person, she does not really know how to speak to strangers especially when the strangers speak with local accent. She used to meet Mom and Dad once when we came to her house. She tried her best to speak Bahasa that I stared at her like she was an alien when she conversed with Mom. She is fair because her grandparents are Chinese. She calls her sister JieJie and her brother GeGe. She is the fourth child of her five siblings.
She hates to have unproductive life, unproductive day even. So she attended classes like boxing class, fencing class and now she is attending Mandarin class. She got B for her test and sometimes she conversed with me in Mandarin. She used to work as a barista at a cafe too and sent me a picture of a cup of coffee with rabbit figure on top.
The craziest thing that we did together is watch Hunger Games in Midvalley and slept there before returning to our college the next day. She went to her class straight upon returning while me continue sleeping at the college. We were roommates back then. People who know us know that we are very close. But people who do not know us, do not have any idea about it. Because we did not have our lunch together at the faculty cafe. We rarely walk together and talk to each other between classes.
This is because we never had same classes during our degree years except for Mandarin for one semester if I'm not mistaken.
Apart from that, we worked together under a society in faculty. She is resilience and strong. She completed all of her task like a boss with occasional complaints towards her unhelpful teammates. She is slim, always active on her feet and flexible. She can handle huge events with little guidance and she did not pay much attention towards the credits and lecturers' favoritism. When she talks, people listen because they know she has points and the points are rarely wrong.
When I was caught in accident during my final year, Luna and her Mom brought me to the clinic for dressing and also to take off the cast at my leg. She drove me home after her mom insisted us to have lunch beforehand.
Our friendship hits bottom rock as well, like other relationship. There's one time she stayed quiet when I said hi after she returning from class. There was another one when we had misunderstanding regarding a trip issue. If you know me, I won't simply let go a relationship without showing efforts to save it. But at the same time, I gave her some time. The shenanigans won't last long, after some time she came to me and clear the air.
"I am sorry I was quiet just now, something happened and today is the bad day for me"
and
"I am sorry I said those things to you and I am not proud of that."
She hates to have unproductive life, unproductive day even. So she attended classes like boxing class, fencing class and now she is attending Mandarin class. She got B for her test and sometimes she conversed with me in Mandarin. She used to work as a barista at a cafe too and sent me a picture of a cup of coffee with rabbit figure on top.
The craziest thing that we did together is watch Hunger Games in Midvalley and slept there before returning to our college the next day. She went to her class straight upon returning while me continue sleeping at the college. We were roommates back then. People who know us know that we are very close. But people who do not know us, do not have any idea about it. Because we did not have our lunch together at the faculty cafe. We rarely walk together and talk to each other between classes.
This is because we never had same classes during our degree years except for Mandarin for one semester if I'm not mistaken.
Apart from that, we worked together under a society in faculty. She is resilience and strong. She completed all of her task like a boss with occasional complaints towards her unhelpful teammates. She is slim, always active on her feet and flexible. She can handle huge events with little guidance and she did not pay much attention towards the credits and lecturers' favoritism. When she talks, people listen because they know she has points and the points are rarely wrong.
When I was caught in accident during my final year, Luna and her Mom brought me to the clinic for dressing and also to take off the cast at my leg. She drove me home after her mom insisted us to have lunch beforehand.
Our friendship hits bottom rock as well, like other relationship. There's one time she stayed quiet when I said hi after she returning from class. There was another one when we had misunderstanding regarding a trip issue. If you know me, I won't simply let go a relationship without showing efforts to save it. But at the same time, I gave her some time. The shenanigans won't last long, after some time she came to me and clear the air.
"I am sorry I was quiet just now, something happened and today is the bad day for me"
and
"I am sorry I said those things to you and I am not proud of that."
I saw her growing since our foundation year. I know most of her long term plans and could not be more proud when she settled for her first job. We rarely conversed but I knew her updates through her social media. She has been flying everywhere for her work trip. We occasionally met in KL and catch up on each other. She is growing, my girl is growing.
We finally met again on the day we planned to do rock climbing at OU. Before the session, she told me she has a condition. My eyes fixed on her,
"Is it terminal?"
She did not seem to worry even a bit, she smiled even to me.
"It is not, but it can cause me to be blind. The condition is called Macular Dystropy, it is a rare disease and it has no cure"
I was speechless at that time, but seeing her alright made me confused. Hence, I asked her,
"Are you okay?"
She replied, "I am, I might be sad when the condition is worsening but now I'm okay."
Upon returning, I googled about the condition that I have never known about. It is a rare disease and the patients suffer from blurriness because the dark spot that they have at their retina. The dark spot can grow bigger and it can cause the whole of the eye sight. The dark spot locates at the centre of the vision, hence the patients can see things through their peripheral vision but that's not helping because the centre part is the crucial one.
At certain age, the patients can go total blind. I blinked at the words 'no cure' on the screen.
I had been thinking about that quite for some time but then it slipped out of my mind with my workload. Hence, when my supervisor asked me to recce Batam, Indonesia for data collection process, I asked her to accompany me. She is the best candidate because I just got to know she just quit her job but God bless her she just got offer from a new company for a better opportunity, plus it has been a long time since we spent time with each other.
The impromptu trip took three days and two nights only but I notice how things escalates quickly for her. We met at TBS before boarding the bus to Larkin, Johor. She called me because she could not see me at TBS, I saw her and kept waving at her but she did not see me until I called out her name. I realised her health is deteriorating when she stared at her cellphone one inch from her face. When she read slower than before, when she was clueless as a waiter called us at the restaurant because she can't see him even in short distance.
After the trip, I was busy with my paper while getting ready for my next trip to Vietnam which was on January 2020. Meanwhile, she started her new job on second January. And weeks after returning from Vietnam. I received a text from her.
She asked for my opinion if it is okay if she told her HR the truth about her condition. Her family is against the decision but she just wanted to be honest about her illness. She told me she no longer can see the slides during meeting. When people asked for her opinion, she could not give inputs. She becomes slower, she reads slower than before. Simple things are becoming hard for her. She said she wouldn't mind if the company going to sack her if she is no longer an asset to the company.
I was stunned for a few seconds and then I started to process everything. My friend is going to be blind? And there's nothing we could do about it? All of our memories washed me and I was fighting tears behind the screen while thinking, what I should reply. I avoid sending crying emoji even in reality my tshirt was damped with my tears already. I have to be strong for her. This time, it is my turn to be her strength.
I tried searching for support group but to my dismay, I found none in Malaysia. Most of the groups that I found are Macular Degeneration, and not Macular Dystrophy. The latter is the common disease and it normally occurs to people at older age. Until I found a group which is based in U.K and fowarded to her. I asked if she can do cornea transplant but sadly it won't work. Because her illness is a genetically disease and there's no way to fix the cells.
I have been crying for days since the news. Everytime I think about her, I cry. My heart breaks to pieces and I have never felt as broken as this one. I imagine how she would survive in near future. Later, she will not be able to drive, to read, to cook. She might need help to reach for shampoo in the bathroom or she will mistakenly pick shower cream. The next day, she replied my text saying she is overwhelmed since she talked to her HR, since she talked to me, since she talked to her family.
I keep myself composed and responded to her text. She told me she might need to attend braille class. I closed my eyes, I remember she used to attend fencing class, boxing class, mandarin class. She is a woman with class. She is a phenomenal lady that not all people deserve to have her. She is strong that her strength illuminates through her speech, through her direct comments. I always see her as someone who is capable to be something bigger than she is now. That I spent days crying.
I cry because I know her plans, I know that she is capable to accomplish all her goals. I cry because I have been with her through thick and thin, I watch her growing, to be someone she is now. I cry because I never expect this would happen to her, to my close friend. I cry because I have never seen her as broken as now. I cry because I know everything will change from A to Z for her, and she has to start everything from zero. I cry because I know, perhaps in future, she will no longer can text me like right now.
Hence I told her,
I love you. If you want to meet me, tell me, I'll come to you. I'll always keep you in my prayers. I'll always be by your side. Always.
We finally met again on the day we planned to do rock climbing at OU. Before the session, she told me she has a condition. My eyes fixed on her,
"Is it terminal?"
She did not seem to worry even a bit, she smiled even to me.
"It is not, but it can cause me to be blind. The condition is called Macular Dystropy, it is a rare disease and it has no cure"
I was speechless at that time, but seeing her alright made me confused. Hence, I asked her,
"Are you okay?"
She replied, "I am, I might be sad when the condition is worsening but now I'm okay."
Upon returning, I googled about the condition that I have never known about. It is a rare disease and the patients suffer from blurriness because the dark spot that they have at their retina. The dark spot can grow bigger and it can cause the whole of the eye sight. The dark spot locates at the centre of the vision, hence the patients can see things through their peripheral vision but that's not helping because the centre part is the crucial one.
At certain age, the patients can go total blind. I blinked at the words 'no cure' on the screen.
I had been thinking about that quite for some time but then it slipped out of my mind with my workload. Hence, when my supervisor asked me to recce Batam, Indonesia for data collection process, I asked her to accompany me. She is the best candidate because I just got to know she just quit her job but God bless her she just got offer from a new company for a better opportunity, plus it has been a long time since we spent time with each other.
The impromptu trip took three days and two nights only but I notice how things escalates quickly for her. We met at TBS before boarding the bus to Larkin, Johor. She called me because she could not see me at TBS, I saw her and kept waving at her but she did not see me until I called out her name. I realised her health is deteriorating when she stared at her cellphone one inch from her face. When she read slower than before, when she was clueless as a waiter called us at the restaurant because she can't see him even in short distance.
After the trip, I was busy with my paper while getting ready for my next trip to Vietnam which was on January 2020. Meanwhile, she started her new job on second January. And weeks after returning from Vietnam. I received a text from her.
She asked for my opinion if it is okay if she told her HR the truth about her condition. Her family is against the decision but she just wanted to be honest about her illness. She told me she no longer can see the slides during meeting. When people asked for her opinion, she could not give inputs. She becomes slower, she reads slower than before. Simple things are becoming hard for her. She said she wouldn't mind if the company going to sack her if she is no longer an asset to the company.
I was stunned for a few seconds and then I started to process everything. My friend is going to be blind? And there's nothing we could do about it? All of our memories washed me and I was fighting tears behind the screen while thinking, what I should reply. I avoid sending crying emoji even in reality my tshirt was damped with my tears already. I have to be strong for her. This time, it is my turn to be her strength.
I tried searching for support group but to my dismay, I found none in Malaysia. Most of the groups that I found are Macular Degeneration, and not Macular Dystrophy. The latter is the common disease and it normally occurs to people at older age. Until I found a group which is based in U.K and fowarded to her. I asked if she can do cornea transplant but sadly it won't work. Because her illness is a genetically disease and there's no way to fix the cells.
I have been crying for days since the news. Everytime I think about her, I cry. My heart breaks to pieces and I have never felt as broken as this one. I imagine how she would survive in near future. Later, she will not be able to drive, to read, to cook. She might need help to reach for shampoo in the bathroom or she will mistakenly pick shower cream. The next day, she replied my text saying she is overwhelmed since she talked to her HR, since she talked to me, since she talked to her family.
I keep myself composed and responded to her text. She told me she might need to attend braille class. I closed my eyes, I remember she used to attend fencing class, boxing class, mandarin class. She is a woman with class. She is a phenomenal lady that not all people deserve to have her. She is strong that her strength illuminates through her speech, through her direct comments. I always see her as someone who is capable to be something bigger than she is now. That I spent days crying.
I cry because I know her plans, I know that she is capable to accomplish all her goals. I cry because I have been with her through thick and thin, I watch her growing, to be someone she is now. I cry because I never expect this would happen to her, to my close friend. I cry because I have never seen her as broken as now. I cry because I know everything will change from A to Z for her, and she has to start everything from zero. I cry because I know, perhaps in future, she will no longer can text me like right now.
Hence I told her,
I love you. If you want to meet me, tell me, I'll come to you. I'll always keep you in my prayers. I'll always be by your side. Always.
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