Must . Prefer . Accept

Please pray for me, pursuing my postgraduate study, I don't have many pictures of myself, so here tadaaaa, a picture of mine in Korea. Lulz. 

So last 27th Nov 2018, I had my very last appointment with Dr. Rohaya.  Well, I requested for it actually before going to UKM for my Master program. Yes peeps! Am gonna pursue my postgraduate study very soon!

I went inside the room with light steps and light heart lol. Haha. And one of her students was in the room too, she asked my permission if it is okay for him to stay, nahh I don't mind, in fact I am glad if I could help these students even if not so much. To understand better the nature of their profession. Hehek.

Dr Rohaya asked me like how are you, are you doing great and so forth. Well, actually the main reason why I wanted to meet her because I want to share some if my problems and listen to her opinions.

There you go, I told her about the crisis that we had with our immature neighbour, we had a really huge fight over small matters and how she threatened us, to use black magic and to physically attack us. Just to make us annoyed, she often has an open burning at the back of her house that goes straight to our kitchen and believe it or not, we have been breathing the contaminated air 24/7! How she sweared like omaigod I've never met any person like her before!

This tragedy affects my family so much and it has becoming a mentally disturbed for all of us. The doc asked my parents' opinion, 'well my father just wants us to accept as what it is and just to be quiet and do nothing about it, well as for my mother, she questions why we have to breathe with smoke 24/7 in our very own house!'.

Hence, Dr Rohaya told me 'I can see your father has a passive opinion on that while your mother has an assertive opinion. What do you expect from your father? What kind of action that you want him to do?' The words came like a cascading waterfall from my mouth 'I expect him to defend our family, to protect us, to do some efforts to curb the problem and if it didn't work out than that's fine.'

'Okay, your expectations is relevant, and that's what a father should do to his family. But in this case, you won't get what you expect, knowing his personality and his sickness, you know you can't change him, and if it didn't happen like what you wanted, what would happen to you? Yes, you would be feeling demotivated, stress and finally depressed, so what would you do? '

'To expect less' I answered.  Haha

'Yes, let's say you said

He MUST defend us, protect us, and you could change it to

I PREFER my father to defend us, protect us and lastly

If those things didn't happen which has a very high possibility, then you would learn,
I ACCEPT this circumstances.'

I blinked. Haha well that's helpful.

'You are having a realistic expectations towards him but I think it is quite hard for him too since he suffers from ocd and depression as well'

Yes, I know, and I believe if you keep singing out loud that you are sick, then you will be forever sick, which is one of the point that I always disagree with my dad.

When he keeps mentioning that I am sick and he is sick. Cause we know that and we don't have to mention it just to remind ourselves over and over. Haha. That's my opinion la ek.

Dr Rohaya wished me all the best for my study and reminded me to not being too rigid and perfectionist in everything I do for my study. And we bid farewell. Cewah.

From this session, I believe I have learnt one valuable lessons, in order to be in a good term with your state of mind, you don't have to 'cut' yourself to fit in the puzzle, instead you have to bend a bit your perception and all is gonna be good. 

I don't have to change my opinion or force myself to believe what I don't want to, instead I just have to make a few adjustment and have a small amount degree of tolerance and all is gonna be okay.

I still believe that's what my father should do but I accept as what it is due to his condition.

Signing off from therapy,
Jijah <3